Had No Control
by Organization XIII Member Kaix
Summary: Hiei was a cold person...he only loved his sister..but when a friend of his sister comes along...


Hiei

_You know I don't talk much cause I really don't have anything to talk about. I really don't like sharing for the fact that my information will get out to the one's I don't need to be hunted by. I am not really a good person. And inside, truthfully, I'm not proud of it either. Being cast out by my home grounds helped also in the development of my being._

I'm Hiei Jaganshi, and I'm a monster. Not proud of what I am or where I came from. As far as I know, I have a younger sister and a mother that is dead. I visit her grave once in a while. I never knew her or the love that she could give. I watch my sister from afar. Keeping her out of trouble. She knows who I am, but she doesn't really know who I am. She was born when I was cast out, but she doesn't remember. I think it's for the best.

After being cast out, I trained to become stronger. I still lived in the demon world, but not with my family. Or whatever you'd like to call them. So I trained. Day and night. Continuously. Until one day I was strong enough to do whatever I wanted. I teamed up with two other people. Shuichi Minamino, a human with the famous Youko Kurama locked inside of him. He could be of some use. Then there was Toguro. Now he was all brute strength, and of course me the brains. We went for the three sacred items. But that failed. Eventually this human spirit detective came along and screwed up our plans.

_I don't know how it happened but I got landed on the team with the spirit detective, me becoming one also. At least I'm not alone. Yusuke Urameshi, the leader of this trainreck. Kuwabara, I don't like his first name, but he's as dense as a rock. Shuichi Minamino or Youko Kurama depending on his form, he was my teammate on my last team. He betrayed me. He deserves what he gets. Then me, sometimes I wish I wasn't even there. _

"Hiei. Where are you off to now?" His voice called to me. "You really shouldn't go off alone in the night." I know I know. The night holds dangerous things to come. I turned around to look him straight in the eye. Shuichi now, Youko later.

"Shut up and leave me be." I said coldly. Kurama was my best friend yet I treat him like trash sometimes. I don't know why I do it.

"Hiei?" Kurama pressed on. He knew he couldn't get me to change my mind.

Again I turned around to him. "Demon" I said. Then I turned and walked out. Kurama stood there a blank face. I knew he knew what I was talking about.

The door closed behind me and a sudden chill came across me. The wind was picking up, but that didn't bother me. I put my hands in my pockets and walked into the forest across the street. Hoping I could find something to do.

The trees waved in the wind. A couple of leaves flew in front of me. I caught one and looked at it. I crunched it then let it's flakes float on the wind. I continued to walk. A couple of kids ran past me, their mother yelling after them. She stopped next to me, out of breath.

"Have you seen two kids run by here? A boy and a girl?" She said out of breath. She was bent over trying to catch herself some air.

I looked at her and then forward. "No" I walked ahead. She looked at me then continued to call to her children.

I have spent a long time on this team of spirit detectives, but nothing changes. Fight demons; get back the object, return to slobber face. All the same routine. Then something caught my attention. I jumped into a nearby tree. My sister. She was walking through the same forest as me. I sat and watched, like I've done for sometime now. But this time it was different. She was with someone. Another girl. She looked fine, and I wasn't getting anything bad from her. So I thought I would let her be my younger sister's friend. I went home.

"Hiei your back!" Kuwabara said jumping up and running over to me. I glared at him and he stopped moving.

"Shove it." I told him. He went back to sit down next to Yusuke. Yusuke just laughed and gave me acknowledgement wave. Kurama, like always, reading. So I went and sat in my room.

I lay on my bed thinking about the girl that my sister was with. She was normal looking. Blonde hair the reached to her middle back. Fair skin like my sister's and a white kimono, exactly like Yukina's. She seemed all right. And most important, my sister seemed happy. Thinking about my sister, I fell asleep, but I was still alert.

The next morning I got up before anyone else and sat in the living room. To my surprise the frickin' doorbell rang. So I got up and answered it. Yukina. I froze. Why was she here?

"Hello, Hiei." Her voice was soft and sweet. My sister was a true treasure to protect. Next to her was her friend. That girl she walks with now.

"Hn." I say. She smiles and turns to her friend.

"Hiei, this is Surina. She's my friend. I thought we would stop by for a visit." She said. Surina. A beautiful name. Wait, what? What was I thinking! I recollected my thoughts and pushed the door open farther then went and sat down. Yukina and Surina walked in and sat down. It was like an omen. Kuwabara came out followed by Kurama and Yusuke.

"Hello guys." Yukina said as Surina just waved. The guys turned and looked at me then to the girls, then back to me. I didn't look at them or the girls. I looked out the window.

Well I didn't really pay attention enough to hear what they were talking about. But all of a sudden, Kuwabara, Yusuke, Kurama, and Yukina stood up.

"Hiei. We are going to see Koenma. You can either go or stay here and keep Surina Company." Yusuke said. I just sat there. I figured I'd stay. SOMEONE had to keep little Surina out of trouble in our house. "Ok see ya Hiei!" Yukina said as everyone left. Surina just sat on the couch.

"So your name's Hiei, right?" Surina said. I didn't look at her. "I'm Surina if you didn't know."

"I know." I said still looking out the window. I wanted to go sit by her but that wasn't me. I'd wait til the right moment.

"You seem interesting, come sit down and we'll talk while their gone." She said. There it was, the right moment. I went and sat across from her. She started.

"I'm Surina Makina. I was born on the 22nd of December. I don't have any friends except Yukina. But who knows you might be my friend." I just looked at her, No expression. She continued. All that matters was I was here alone with her. Now I could figure out if she was bad for my sister or not. Thoughts ran through my head. I snapped out of my thinking when she was crying. I leaned forward and looked at her. She really was crying. Where's Kurama when you need him.

"uhhh stop crying?" I said. I really don't handle with people crying. I couldn't have Yukina return to have her friend crying. That would make her think I did it! I went and sat next to her. I went to touch her, but then pulled back. NO! This isn't me. Just go back to where you were. Before I could get up, she was around my neck, hugging me, crying.

After about an hour of crying, she stopped. Then she spoke. "Hiei, I think I love you." She said. What? This couldn't be. I didn't even know her. How does she know me? I got up and walked to the other side of the room. I can't love, that's not me. She followed me.

The rain had started to come down hard out side. I looked out the window. My reflection with hers behind me was in the window.

"I don't want you to give it all up…" I said. She just listened. "Or leave your own life collecting dust…cause that's what would happen if you loved me." I usually didn't talk like this. I wanted her to stop loving me.

"No it won't Hiei. Trust me." She touched my shoulder but I pulled away. No touching I thought, no touching. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me… how come you'll never give a chance?"

"I don't need you to be by my side…or to tell me that it's all right." I said. Now I could tell she knew I was serious.

She sat down and then she started to talk. About herself. I just looked out into the rainstorm, not looking at her directly, only through the reflection in the glass. She talked for another hour or so. I turned to her.

"It's possible for me to love you, but I'm not sure. I'm from the Ice Palace in the sky. They cast me out cause I was a male and I was a fire demon." I never told anyone about that til now. What have I done?

"She lightened up. "I'm from that place too." She was smiling thinking it would work. I glared at her.

"I can't love you for sure now. I don't want to have the same thing happen to my children if I have any that happened to me. Fire demons and Ice demons don't mix!" I yelled.

"I just wanted you to tell me the truth…" She said. She stood and walked to the door. "You know I would do that for you. When I get close to you, you turn away. There's nothing I can really do or say. Good-bye Hiei." She said as she walked out the door. I watched her go. I didn't care. I didn't want abominations like me to happen. Ever. I wouldn't let it happen. I'm sorry.

Was it I?

Or was it you?

Why am I running away?

…from love.

After that incident, I really didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to be left alone. I couldn't love. And if I did it would go all wrong. Me, love? And in any case, what is love anyways? It didn't matter. I didn't care.

"Hiei, let's go!" He said. I didn't want to go. No. I will not move. No. "Hiei, we got to go now or Koenma will get mad." Fine. I got up from the window I spent many hours looking out and went to the door.

I walked through the big doors like many times before. That desk was in the same spot like always, straight ahead, in the middle of the room. Koenma, the so called leader of the spirit world. He was a freaking TODDLER! What? Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Ever since she…never mind. I didn't matter anyways.

"Ok team. I have a for you." Koenma said. That binky in his mouth was irritating. "You have to go back to where you fought Sensui and look for any remains. I was told demons are gathering his parts to gain power. I don't know why. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole."

"Ok were on it!" Urameshi. The excited one of the group. He never backs down from a fight. Fine, I'll go. I have to relieve some stress anyway.

Koenma transported us to the demon realm and we started our journey. Demon world. It stunk of demons from far and wide. No tolerance, no tolerance at all. I focused out to the woods around us. I didn't want to have a low class demon sneak up on me. I walked with my eyes closed. Totally focused. A twig snapped behind me. I turned around and grabbed its neck. Kurama. Damn it.

"Hiei? Let me go." Kurama was my best friend and still is. I was about to kill him. Stop it Hiei, stop it. You're fine. I continued on. No one else saw it. That's good. And I know Kurama won't try to get me in shit. I know.

We arrived at the spot. Demons. Everywhere. I got mad just seeing them.

"Well I guess we should just take them out…" Urameshi said. I was like a bullet. 21…22…23…24…I counted. 55…56…57…58…59…60. 60 demons. I was feeling a little better. My team just looked at me.

"Uhhh….Hiei?" Urameshi was trying. I wasn't going to let him in.

"Shut it!" I retorted harshly. I didn't want to talk, just silence. Silence and freedom. I stood up from my crouching position and walked and stood next to Kurama. Not looking at them. I looked east. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Urameshi and Kuwabara checking out the area where the demons swarmed. Kurama was just walking around reliving his times with Kuronue I figured. I crossed my arms and stood against a tree. Another twig. My glance took to behind me. In a clearing I could see a demon. A fire demon. Not like me but still fiery. I watched. I was going to get as close as I could and then pounce. Killing this demon with a fast movement. I left the team with no signs.

I got closer to the demon. Crouching behind some brush, I walked slowly. This demon had waist length red hair and was fairly tan. Thin but toned with muscles. It looks familiar. No. Stay focused. Just one more kill and I'll feel better. NOW. I ran out of the bush and teleported above the demon. Down. I fell straight down on the demon. It didn't even know what to do. I pinned it down and put its hand above it's head. I wanted to slit the throat, fast and clean. I pulled out my katana and brushed its hair out of the way. My katana fell. I loosened the grip I had on its hands. I was still pinning it down, but I was scared. For the first time, sacred. It was her. Surina. But she wasn't the same. She was a fire demon now. She was a demon. A demon. A demon? No. I stood up. She got up and looked at me. Her silver eyes burn into mine. I looked at her, no expression. Her anger softened to a hurt look. She knows who I am. She remembers. A tear fell down her cheek and she ran. Into the forest. I just stood there. Like a little kid.

Well we went back to Koenma and he gave us another job. He said this time there was a break in. We had to stop the demon that was stealing all the sacred items from their rightful posts. We went out to find the demon.

"I want to handle this one." I said. I thought if I defeated a de3mon on my own and gave the items back, it just might fill that emptiness. The team says nothing and leaves. Finally. I was alone to deal with myself.

I went to the building. People ran out saying the beast was still in there. I walked in, not hesitation. I found the room. It was easy. I just had to follow the blood stains. I walked in and the demon just stood there looking back at me. HER It was her. I couldn't do this. I felt sick. I turned away. She just laughed.

"Awww….my poor little Hiei. Are you afraid?" She sounds the same. That sweet voice of her. But it wasn't her. She was a fire demon of my rank. She was not the same. I stood and looked at her. I took a step forward. She stopped laughing. Now she was mad. She knew I could beat her. "Why are you being mean, Hiei? Your not gonna hurt the girl who loves you are you?"

"Yes I will. Your not her." I said. I knew the girl that loved me was inside of her. Somewhere.

She didn't like that answer. She ran at me and kicked me. I blocked then went to punch her in the stomach. She blocked with her right hand. She's fast. I was mad now.

I ran at her throwing punches as I went.

"Here's a chance to show how I feel." I said. "A chance for you to see what's real." I ducked and kicked her. She fell. "To see what I feel inside and who it is that's by my side." I ran away about 20 feet. I didn't want to be near her. She appeared behind me and grabbed my arms behind my back.

"I will never change my mind about you." She was getting mad. She pulled on my arms. The pain was starting to come now.

"You try to torch me and you'll find, I made of fire. You can turn my to you or deter me. No matter how hard you try. You can't burn me." I was not in the mood. I knew the good, innocent Surina was in there, somewhere. I pulled her over top of me. Though I pulled my arms out of their sockets, they popped back in and I grabbed her and pinned her down.

"Now you know what I am all about. I'm more than you think" I got close to her face. "The only one who controls me, I hate the almighty." She lost the anger and looked at me. The anger fading. "I know where I stand and what will happen if you try it."

"I know my heart and I just can't deny it, Hiei!" She yelled. Her hate was fading even more.

"I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't be quiet it!" I yelled back. She won't stop trying. I swear I'll kill her if she doesn't.

"I don't understand…" She said to me. Her hate all gone. Nothing but love for me and demon blood.

"I DON'T LOVE YOU!" I yelled. Her face went blank. "You'll never take me into the fire, you'll never take my own desire to live. I'm sorry." She got hate in her eyes again. She sat up and I couldn't pin her any more. She was lightning fast. She had me pinned on the wall by my neck. I couldn't breathe.

Her eyes flickered from silver to blue. Her normal eye color. She whispered to me. "Hiei…kill me…please…I beg of you…kill me." That was her. The real Surina! Her eyes swallowed back to silver and she was evil again. I couldn't stand to let her be like that. I grabbed her around the waist with my legs and flipped out of her grip. I got behind her. I held her head in my hands. She was scratching my hands with her claws, trying to get free.

"You can't fight fire with fire cause…I am fireproof." I gripped her head tighter. My heart rate went up. I was scared for her. "I love you." I took her head tighter and turned it sharply to the left until it snapped. She fell and I caught her before she hit the ground. I held her close. "I love…you. I love you. I'm sorry." I sat there for a couple of hours, holding her tightly to my chest. One single tear ran down my cheek. No one needs to know I cried.

I took her body and buried it outside the building I killed her in. It was the place I told her I loved her. I created a huge shrine under a beautiful oak tree. I looked up and pulled a purple flower off of the tree next to the oak. I placed it on her grave. I look at her grave and sighed.

"You'll never take me into the fire…I'm fireproof." The wind blew and the sun faded behind a cloud of dust. "But you weren't." Then I left.

I never returned to the spot where I left her and I never will.


End file.
